by Marlon Ulbort / Christoph Leppin (BvA)
As a German, you have to live with something unusual. There is no way to live without it, and surely we Germans would do so, if it were possible. Sometimes, Germans do not want to be German. We try to adapt, speaking English fluently, without a noticeable accent, just to hide our German roots during vacation and to be protected against the others’ prejudices.
We are tired of excusing for our history.
Sure, things should better not have happened at all, but history did take place. And history takes a special place in every German’s life. We have to cope with history and get along with what our forefathers did. Get along with something you would never have done yourself. Something you are not guilty of. Sounds impossible. Yet that is our reality.
I have got the feeling that when people from all over the globe think of Germany, they just see the dark light our past has brought upon our amazing country. A country of poets and inventors, revolutionaries and artists. Our recent past is to blame for a stereotype no German wants to be linked with. A reputation no German likes to joke about.
It is a strange feeling. A feeling you are born with. Like your own localized original sin. A sin committed by Adolf and Eve. In a way you feel guilty, asking yourself how this could have happened. Simply believing that the answer is that certain totalitarian regime, dictated by only one sick, messed-up soul, that made the whole world clash in war. That answer seems acceptable but it is not. You are German, in the same way as your forefathers were, and the whole world shares this mutual thought. It is personal. Sometimes it feels like you are to blame for the mistakes of the past.
When we met Dr. Lipski and Mrs. Funk we tried to find out how to cope with our German heritage. Both of them were born into the German community in Gostynin, Poland, which had been settling there 200 years before. Dr Lipski talked about his way to live with German history. He said that he also was a victim of the regime which terrorized the whole world. He lost a family member during this time, killed by the SS. Dr. Lipski said he and his family were victims in a special way. Dr. Lipski was a small boy when the NSDAP ruled over Germany. He was not able to realize what was wrong and he was not able to revolt. And still, he feels he has to justify himself – justify himself like all Germans have to do at least once in their lifetime.
I do not know what my great grandfathers did in this war and unfortunately, I cannot ask them, they are dead. Their children, my grandfathers and mothers keep silent in which way my family got involved in this war. I just hear my grandfather’s agitated tales of his escape with his family from the frontlines. It is like a black spot in their memory, nobody wants to throw some light inside, and maybe nothing is inside. I will never know, my parents will never know. And the people who know, died in silence.
I’m not the only German having this black spot in his family. And maybe my generation has many more black and dark spots in their families than the generations before us. And maybe a big part of my generation does not know about a dark shadow in their past. But these shadows stay in the reputation we Germans have to live with.
I just know I am not guilty. The only thing I can do not to get identified with the German Nazi past is to show the people a better view of myself and the country I live in. It is not a matter of ignorance when I say I am tired of excusing for German history. It is just because nobody can excuse what happened and every attempt to do so is a disgrace for us. No German will ever find peace with this part of German history unless we bring light to the dark holes. Maybe the ignorance of the actors of these times passed these spots on to us. Maybe these spots are just illusions. But I will never know.